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you are such a little slut!
MY EPIC REVIEW OF DIS/CONNECTED. I'm typing as I watch, so there will probably be massive CAPSLOCK contained within.
I love how this show starts out by trying to be ~trendy~. Weird, seizure inducing shots of people running! Badly executed exposition! Too much eyeshadow! Also, you know you're in for a quality hour when it turns out 'Jenny' is played by the same person who played Sophia in "The Gates of Avalon" (to be fair though, she is much more tolerable when playing an awkward teenager than an ancient and powerful fairy who's trying to kidnap Arthur). HER VOICE FRIGHTENS ME FOR SOME REASON.
First LOL moment: the 'cool girls' walking through the turnstiles, or whatever they were, in their matching and equally horrendous outfits. OH SHOW, YOUR ATTEMPTS TO BE AWESOME FAIL YOU.
OK, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RANDOM SLOW MOTION IN THIS THING? WHY? Does someone running/eating/popping pills/playing basketball really need to be slo-moed? SERIOUSLY. And who wrote this thing? Some of the dialogue is BEYOND HORRIBLE.
Second LOL moment: the two black guys being GHETTO AND HARDCORE. Yeah, that is not how hardcore people act, show.
Third LOL moment: "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex" randomly starting and then stopping. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
This show's idea of transitions is laughable. Five second scene! Now flash to another not-at-all related five second scene with a different character! And again!
Fourth LOL moment: When black teenager #3493934 is suddenly in a chase scene! WITH BAD TECHNO MUSIC. And more slo-mo.
Another thing ridiculously bad about Dis/Connected: their attempts at adding teenage melodrama. Mostly because the only person displaying moderately OK acting skills is the girl who plays Jenny. YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN SHE'S YOUR BEST ACTRESS.
HAI BRADLEY. :D :D I've heard his acting is like, the worst in the ENTIRE EPISODE so I shall give myself I few seconds to just flail over his pretty face before I go into the, "...OH BRADLEY"s.
Fifth LOL moment: Bradley turns away from his girl of the week and there is this HILARIOUSLY UNSUBTLE music transition. AND THEN THE MUSIC STOPS THREE SECONDS LATER. I can't even describe it, the thing has to be seen/heard to be believed.
HITTING ON PEOPLE AT A FUNERAL. SMOOTH BRADLEY, SMOOTH. ALSO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THE SEX IN THE BATHROOM. I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM. (Although I was weirdly excited to see Bradley shirtless. Mostly because no one ever takes their motherfucking shirt off anymore on Merlin.)
INTERMISSION (Or: at this point I fell asleep (you can really see how well this cinematic masterpiece captured my attention) and then woke up at 4:00 AM going, "I'm not tired anymore. OH I'LL FINISH DIS/CONNECTED!" Hence what is probably a minor change of tone in this thing.)
Sixth LOL moment: Bradly is making some questionable acting choices but I cannot bring myself to care, because OH GOD HIS FACES. FANTASTIC.
Seventh LOL moment: OK, I don't think it's really that Bradley's acting is all that horrible (well, it IS, but it's not the real reason why I'm facepalming my way through his scenes) it's just how embarrassing I think his character is. When he pulls that girl's knickers out with his cell phone and makes another FACE I pretty much just went, "BRADLEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE STOP BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF. OR PERHAPS IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT. YOU ARE TERRIBLY LUCKY YOU GO REDEEM YOURSELF ON MERLIN."
That said, his 'No girl has ever rejected me before! I am a sexy manbeast! D: D:' face combined with the tossing of the knickers into the river was INCREDIBLE. OH BRADLEY.
Guilty admission time: I...kind of like the Sophie and Anthony bonding. On a more than a 'LOL FANTASTIC' level. D: I AM TOO EASY FOR UNEXPECTED FRIENDSHIPS, OK? SHUT UP.
Eighth LOL moment: "You are such a little slut." FINALLY SOMEONE HAS SAID IT. ALSO, BRADLEY'S FACE! Also, also, it appears I like the Ben and Emily bonding too? ('You couldn't even remember my name!' 'It was a funeral, I was upset.' COMBINED WITH THE BRADLEY JAMES POUTY LIPS OF HILARITY.)
WHY ARE SOPHIE AND ANTHONY SNOGGING? WHY WHY WHY? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH FOR A SECOND THERE, SHOW (THE LIGHTS SCENE! GOING AWAY TO WEAR SKIRTS!) AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND RUIN THEM. [/TAKING THIS TOO SERIOUSLY]
Oh, and WAIT, WHAT'S THIS? A...subtle music transition? IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DO IT ALL THE TIME, THEN WHY WERE THE BEGINNING ONES SO CLUNKY? GET IT TOGETHER, DIS/CONNECTED.
Hey, someone on this show actually is gay! WOW, FIFTY BONUS POINTS!
BRADLEY'S CHARACTER IS SUCH A MANWHORE. I LOVE IT. AND THAT BLUE SHIRT HE'S WEARING!
CONCLUSION: Er, this show is basically just trying and failing horribly to be Skins, yeah? And - I am loathe to say this, because the casting directors haven't cast a bunch of sticks in the female roles - there are no pretty people on this show. Bradley excluded. Sophie does have a Rose Byrne thing going on occasionally, but I just can't get over the horrid clothes/hair.
I have to say that hour was totally worth it for the hilarity of the Bradley faces and the brief Sophie and Anthony bonding that wasn't romantical. Um, ALSO. I probably would have actually watched more episodes of this thing had it been a real show if they'd cut the Sophie/Anthony kiss, and Paula and that kid who always listens to his iPod mysteriously vanished. Actually, why didn't they just make this Bradley manwhoring his way through college? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HYSTERICAL.
I HAVE TO WRITE JETHRO/BEN NOW. IT'S INEVITABLE.
ETA:Does anyone want me to upload this thing to MegaUpload? IT IS WORTH IT FOR THE FACES, GUYS. DONE.
OH, AND WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND HER COMMENT NOTIFICATIONS BACK? THIS GIRL.
I love how this show starts out by trying to be ~trendy~. Weird, seizure inducing shots of people running! Badly executed exposition! Too much eyeshadow! Also, you know you're in for a quality hour when it turns out 'Jenny' is played by the same person who played Sophia in "The Gates of Avalon" (to be fair though, she is much more tolerable when playing an awkward teenager than an ancient and powerful fairy who's trying to kidnap Arthur). HER VOICE FRIGHTENS ME FOR SOME REASON.
First LOL moment: the 'cool girls' walking through the turnstiles, or whatever they were, in their matching and equally horrendous outfits. OH SHOW, YOUR ATTEMPTS TO BE AWESOME FAIL YOU.
OK, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RANDOM SLOW MOTION IN THIS THING? WHY? Does someone running/eating/popping pills/playing basketball really need to be slo-moed? SERIOUSLY. And who wrote this thing? Some of the dialogue is BEYOND HORRIBLE.
Second LOL moment: the two black guys being GHETTO AND HARDCORE. Yeah, that is not how hardcore people act, show.
Third LOL moment: "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex" randomly starting and then stopping. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
This show's idea of transitions is laughable. Five second scene! Now flash to another not-at-all related five second scene with a different character! And again!
Fourth LOL moment: When black teenager #3493934 is suddenly in a chase scene! WITH BAD TECHNO MUSIC. And more slo-mo.
Another thing ridiculously bad about Dis/Connected: their attempts at adding teenage melodrama. Mostly because the only person displaying moderately OK acting skills is the girl who plays Jenny. YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN SHE'S YOUR BEST ACTRESS.
HAI BRADLEY. :D :D I've heard his acting is like, the worst in the ENTIRE EPISODE so I shall give myself I few seconds to just flail over his pretty face before I go into the, "...OH BRADLEY"s.
Fifth LOL moment: Bradley turns away from his girl of the week and there is this HILARIOUSLY UNSUBTLE music transition. AND THEN THE MUSIC STOPS THREE SECONDS LATER. I can't even describe it, the thing has to be seen/heard to be believed.
HITTING ON PEOPLE AT A FUNERAL. SMOOTH BRADLEY, SMOOTH. ALSO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THE SEX IN THE BATHROOM. I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM. (Although I was weirdly excited to see Bradley shirtless. Mostly because no one ever takes their motherfucking shirt off anymore on Merlin.)
INTERMISSION (Or: at this point I fell asleep (you can really see how well this cinematic masterpiece captured my attention) and then woke up at 4:00 AM going, "I'm not tired anymore. OH I'LL FINISH DIS/CONNECTED!" Hence what is probably a minor change of tone in this thing.)
Sixth LOL moment: Bradly is making some questionable acting choices but I cannot bring myself to care, because OH GOD HIS FACES. FANTASTIC.
Seventh LOL moment: OK, I don't think it's really that Bradley's acting is all that horrible (well, it IS, but it's not the real reason why I'm facepalming my way through his scenes) it's just how embarrassing I think his character is. When he pulls that girl's knickers out with his cell phone and makes another FACE I pretty much just went, "BRADLEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE STOP BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF. OR PERHAPS IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT. YOU ARE TERRIBLY LUCKY YOU GO REDEEM YOURSELF ON MERLIN."
That said, his 'No girl has ever rejected me before! I am a sexy manbeast! D: D:' face combined with the tossing of the knickers into the river was INCREDIBLE. OH BRADLEY.
Guilty admission time: I...kind of like the Sophie and Anthony bonding. On a more than a 'LOL FANTASTIC' level. D: I AM TOO EASY FOR UNEXPECTED FRIENDSHIPS, OK? SHUT UP.
Eighth LOL moment: "You are such a little slut." FINALLY SOMEONE HAS SAID IT. ALSO, BRADLEY'S FACE! Also, also, it appears I like the Ben and Emily bonding too? ('You couldn't even remember my name!' 'It was a funeral, I was upset.' COMBINED WITH THE BRADLEY JAMES POUTY LIPS OF HILARITY.)
WHY ARE SOPHIE AND ANTHONY SNOGGING? WHY WHY WHY? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH FOR A SECOND THERE, SHOW (THE LIGHTS SCENE! GOING AWAY TO WEAR SKIRTS!) AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND RUIN THEM. [/TAKING THIS TOO SERIOUSLY]
Oh, and WAIT, WHAT'S THIS? A...subtle music transition? IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DO IT ALL THE TIME, THEN WHY WERE THE BEGINNING ONES SO CLUNKY? GET IT TOGETHER, DIS/CONNECTED.
Hey, someone on this show actually is gay! WOW, FIFTY BONUS POINTS!
BRADLEY'S CHARACTER IS SUCH A MANWHORE. I LOVE IT. AND THAT BLUE SHIRT HE'S WEARING!
CONCLUSION: Er, this show is basically just trying and failing horribly to be Skins, yeah? And - I am loathe to say this, because the casting directors haven't cast a bunch of sticks in the female roles - there are no pretty people on this show. Bradley excluded. Sophie does have a Rose Byrne thing going on occasionally, but I just can't get over the horrid clothes/hair.
I have to say that hour was totally worth it for the hilarity of the Bradley faces and the brief Sophie and Anthony bonding that wasn't romantical. Um, ALSO. I probably would have actually watched more episodes of this thing had it been a real show if they'd cut the Sophie/Anthony kiss, and Paula and that kid who always listens to his iPod mysteriously vanished. Actually, why didn't they just make this Bradley manwhoring his way through college? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HYSTERICAL.
I HAVE TO WRITE JETHRO/BEN NOW. IT'S INEVITABLE.
ETA:
OH, AND WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND HER COMMENT NOTIFICATIONS BACK? THIS GIRL.
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(MY COMMENT NOTIFS ARE WORKING AGAIN, THANK THE LORD.)
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I won't be on in an hour because I need to sleep but I shall download it tomorrow.
THANK YOU AGAIN!!
(MINE AREN'T!! WHY DOESA LJ HATE MEEEE?!!)
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ILU!!
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Is it just me or did that movie have ABSOLUTELY NO PLOT WHATSOEVER?
Like really I did not see the point of it. It got to the end and I was like "it's over already? But it hasn't concluded the...oh wait...there was no plot to conclude....huh," because I honestly didn't notice the complete lack of plot until then. I was distracted by Bradley and the random music (especailly in the "chase" scenes. WTF?)
Why did everyone have terrible hair? No wonder Jenny killed herself. Also, Bradley what it going on with the fringe?! And don't even get me started on Sophie's hair. God. And the clothes! WHO WEARS JEANS TO A FUNERAL?! And that Paula chick, she was just bad. In every way.
Guilty admission time: I...kind of like the Sophie and Anthony bonding. On a more than a 'LOL FANTASTIC' level. D: I AM TOO EASY FOR UNEXPECTED FRIENDSHIPS, OK? SHUT UP.
There was NOTHING unexpected about that friendship! SERIOUSLY! IT WAS PAINFULLY FUCKING OBVIOUS MAN!
Also, is it even possible for a cat to just take pills? I didn't think they could unless you forced them down their throats or crushed them up and hid them in their food or something. Seriously. PEOPLE'S CATS DON'T JUST TAKE E!
And I don't know if I'm missing a critical part of my teen years but I'm pretty sure that TEENAGERS DON'T ACT LIKE THAT!!
Although Bradley pulling the knickers out and throwing them in the river was the funniest thing ever. "I don't knoooow how they got thereee..." LOL!
And the sex scene was just soooo unattractive.
God that was awful. But horribly entertaining.
That turned out quite epic for someone who was too lazy to write their own review.
=D
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IT IS NOT MY FAULT I AM A HORRIBLY GULLIBLE PERSON. D: