I love how this show starts out by trying to be ~trendy~. Weird, seizure inducing shots of people running! Badly executed exposition! Too much eyeshadow! Also, you know you're in for a quality hour when it turns out 'Jenny' is played by the same person who played Sophia in "The Gates of Avalon" (to be fair though, she is much more tolerable when playing an awkward teenager than an ancient and powerful fairy who's trying to kidnap Arthur). HER VOICE FRIGHTENS ME FOR SOME REASON.
First LOL moment: the 'cool girls' walking through the turnstiles, or whatever they were, in their matching and equally horrendous outfits. OH SHOW, YOUR ATTEMPTS TO BE AWESOME FAIL YOU.
OK, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RANDOM SLOW MOTION IN THIS THING? WHY? Does someone running/eating/popping pills/playing basketball really need to be slo-moed? SERIOUSLY. And who wrote this thing? Some of the dialogue is BEYOND HORRIBLE.
Second LOL moment: the two black guys being GHETTO AND HARDCORE. Yeah, that is not how hardcore people act, show.
Third LOL moment: "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex" randomly starting and then stopping. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
This show's idea of transitions is laughable. Five second scene! Now flash to another not-at-all related five second scene with a different character! And again!
Fourth LOL moment: When black teenager #3493934 is suddenly in a chase scene! WITH BAD TECHNO MUSIC. And more slo-mo.
Another thing ridiculously bad about Dis/Connected: their attempts at adding teenage melodrama. Mostly because the only person displaying moderately OK acting skills is the girl who plays Jenny. YOU KNOW THINGS ARE BAD WHEN SHE'S YOUR BEST ACTRESS.
HAI BRADLEY. :D :D I've heard his acting is like, the worst in the ENTIRE EPISODE so I shall give myself I few seconds to just flail over his pretty face before I go into the, "...OH BRADLEY"s.
Fifth LOL moment: Bradley turns away from his girl of the week and there is this HILARIOUSLY UNSUBTLE music transition. AND THEN THE MUSIC STOPS THREE SECONDS LATER. I can't even describe it, the thing has to be seen/heard to be believed.
HITTING ON PEOPLE AT A FUNERAL. SMOOTH BRADLEY, SMOOTH. ALSO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THE SEX IN THE BATHROOM. I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM. (Although I was weirdly excited to see Bradley shirtless. Mostly because no one ever takes their motherfucking shirt off anymore on Merlin.)
INTERMISSION (Or: at this point I fell asleep (you can really see how well this cinematic masterpiece captured my attention) and then woke up at 4:00 AM going, "I'm not tired anymore. OH I'LL FINISH DIS/CONNECTED!" Hence what is probably a minor change of tone in this thing.)
Sixth LOL moment: Bradly is making some questionable acting choices but I cannot bring myself to care, because OH GOD HIS FACES. FANTASTIC.
Seventh LOL moment: OK, I don't think it's really that Bradley's acting is all that horrible (well, it IS, but it's not the real reason why I'm facepalming my way through his scenes) it's just how embarrassing I think his character is. When he pulls that girl's knickers out with his cell phone and makes another FACE I pretty much just went, "BRADLEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PLEASE STOP BEFORE YOU HURT YOURSELF. OR PERHAPS IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT. YOU ARE TERRIBLY LUCKY YOU GO REDEEM YOURSELF ON MERLIN."
That said, his 'No girl has ever rejected me before! I am a sexy manbeast! D: D:' face combined with the tossing of the knickers into the river was INCREDIBLE. OH BRADLEY.
Guilty admission time: I...kind of like the Sophie and Anthony bonding. On a more than a 'LOL FANTASTIC' level. D: I AM TOO EASY FOR UNEXPECTED FRIENDSHIPS, OK? SHUT UP.
Eighth LOL moment: "You are such a little slut." FINALLY SOMEONE HAS SAID IT. ALSO, BRADLEY'S FACE! Also, also, it appears I like the Ben and Emily bonding too? ('You couldn't even remember my name!' 'It was a funeral, I was upset.' COMBINED WITH THE BRADLEY JAMES POUTY LIPS OF HILARITY.)
WHY ARE SOPHIE AND ANTHONY SNOGGING? WHY WHY WHY? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH FOR A SECOND THERE, SHOW (THE LIGHTS SCENE! GOING AWAY TO WEAR SKIRTS!) AND THEN YOU HAD TO GO AND RUIN THEM. [/TAKING THIS TOO SERIOUSLY]
Oh, and WAIT, WHAT'S THIS? A...subtle music transition? IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DO IT ALL THE TIME, THEN WHY WERE THE BEGINNING ONES SO CLUNKY? GET IT TOGETHER, DIS/CONNECTED.
Hey, someone on this show actually is gay! WOW, FIFTY BONUS POINTS!
BRADLEY'S CHARACTER IS SUCH A MANWHORE. I LOVE IT. AND THAT BLUE SHIRT HE'S WEARING!
CONCLUSION: Er, this show is basically just trying and failing horribly to be Skins, yeah? And - I am loathe to say this, because the casting directors haven't cast a bunch of sticks in the female roles - there are no pretty people on this show. Bradley excluded. Sophie does have a Rose Byrne thing going on occasionally, but I just can't get over the horrid clothes/hair.
I have to say that hour was totally worth it for the hilarity of the Bradley faces and the brief Sophie and Anthony bonding that wasn't romantical. Um, ALSO. I probably would have actually watched more episodes of this thing had it been a real show if they'd cut the Sophie/Anthony kiss, and Paula and that kid who always listens to his iPod mysteriously vanished. Actually, why didn't they just make this Bradley manwhoring his way through college? THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HYSTERICAL.
I HAVE TO WRITE JETHRO/BEN NOW. IT'S INEVITABLE.
ETA:
OH, AND WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND HER COMMENT NOTIFICATIONS BACK? THIS GIRL.
- Music:belly up - maria mena
- Mood:
giggly
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Which is how Jethro ended up on Sol 3, Middle Of Fucking Nowhere, France.
Also known as: how Jethro almost got attacked by a vicious animal and met one of the most obnoxiously
charmingskeevycharmingridiculous human beings in this galaxy and the next.***
There were only two other people around Jethro’s age on the stupid camping trip. One was this tall, dark-haired girl whose appearance (hiking boots, huge, sturdy backpack, no-nonsense ponytail) suggested she had actually signed up for this insanity herself. The other was a rich, pretty boy (well, Jethro was just guessing here. Seeing as he had yet to see much of the guy besides the back of his very blond head) who’d spent the trip’s duration so far leaning over the girl and speaking in a low, coercing tone.
Jethro was pretty sure the girl was going to slap him any minute now. Ah look, there it was.
Jethro couldn’t help snickering at the put out, “Well, what was that for?!” that came from the two’s general direction.
***
For some reason Jethro couldn’t quite conceive, the rejected blond come ambling over, plopped down next to him, and immediately started talking. To Jethro. Who had headphones stuffed in his ears and was scribbling down in a notebook, and most of the subtle signals cautioning others to just stay the fuck away turned on.
Jethro yanked the earbuds out of his ears and looked up, intending to tell the other boy to go bother someone else with his problems. Only, he didn’t actually get that far.
Because Jethro looked up, and his jaw dropped. Because he’d seen the guy before (on that crap show, oh what was it called?).
“Are you – are you an actor, by any chance?” As the words slipped from his mouth, Jethro instantly wanted to slap himself. He sounded like one of those lovestruck teenage girls always lurking about in animes. (Not that Jethro watched animes. OK, there was that once, but that was all Katie’s fault. Really.)
The other boy looked slightly confused for a moment, but the look quickly dissolved into an egocentric smile. Before Jethro could stammer out that, no, he didn’t mean it like that, the boy started talking again.
“You know what? I really could be! I mean, I’m dashingly attractive, and all women want to sleep with me. What more do you need to be an actor? And I’m absolutely fantastic at those long, cinematic snogs. Want to see?”
“Er, what?” said Jethro. Who was he going to snog, anyway? The only person in a reasonably close distance was Jethro himself.
Oh. Oh.
The blond brought his face alarmingly close to Jethro’s – which would be required for snogging, only they were not going to snog because Jethro was going to regain control of his mouth and protest any minute now. Really.
Except Jethro couldn’t really focus on anything besides how long the other boy’s eyelashes were from this perspective. And then the other boy brushed his lips over Jethro’s own and murmured, “I’m Ben, by the way,” and Jethro really didn’t feel like protesting anymore.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
THIS MADE MY LIFE.
(AND I AM SO SURPRISED THAT THERE IS MORE THAN PERSON ON MY F-LIST WHO ACTUALLY GETS WHAT I'M GOING ON ABOUT.)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
The answer is SOMETHING YOU SHOULD CONTINUE WRITING.
OH.
MY.
FUCKING.
GOD.
ILU. ILU. ILU.
♥♥♥
More of Jethro-the-secret-fanboy! Ben (woah, I did actually just type 'Bradley' there - PSHAW, AT SOME POINT WE WILL ALL HAVE TO STOP PRETENDING THAT BRADLEY IS ACTING AND JUST ACCEPT THAT *THIS IS WHO HE IS*) getting slapped and complaining loudly! Ben being a little slut and seducing people with his powers of leaning and close-talking! CAMPING IN FRAAAANCE!
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THERE TO BE VICIOUS ANIMALS! Ahhhhh, I am aflail with the joy of it all! ♥
DUDE, I kept calling Ben 'Bradley' through the entire thing. HE IS OBVIOUSLY AN EXTENSION OF BRADLEY'S PERSONALITY.
The vicious animals are probably not what you think. *shifty eyes*
I'd just like to say that
I AM SO MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!
With Colin all dressed up in sexy emo (although the black nail polish is very no) and Bradley "pretending" to be a slut and and and YAY!
MOAR!!
ILU. I JUST FOUND THIS, BUT I'M GOING TO DASH OFF AND REC IT LIKE YOU WOULD NOT EVEN BELIEVE. YOU JUST MADE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU!!!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! YOU WROTE JETHRO/BEN!!!! JETHRO!!! BEN!!! TOGETHER! SNOGGING!!! You are officially my hero and I love you. This really deserves the arse icon
And there will be more Jethro/Ben coming up after I finish my 3493493 other fics I've promised people. :D
Also, totally feel free to continue to lurk (I CANNOT PRETEND I DON'T FIND IT FLATTERING [/ATTENTION WHORE]) or randomly NINJA FRIEND me, if you want! :D
Also, do you mind if I add you? I can tell you are made of awesome and seriously need more awesome in my f-list (and lack Merlin!friends). It's cool if you don't want me randomly adding you though ;)
And I totally don't mind! :D