Fandom: Merlin RPF
Character/Pairing: Colin/Bradley, appearances by Angel, Katie, and Joe Dempsie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~800
Summary: In which the Paperclip Incident makes stuff happen. Four separate conversations taking place during another one of those Important Meetings. Prequel-type thing to Passing Notes.
Notes: OK, so.
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doompaw and I wrote this weird comment fic about Katie bullying Bradley, I discussed the repercussions of such an event with thisissirius, and then I ran into this conversation I once had about Bradley being weird with sophieisgod and this baby was born. YOU CAN BLAME THEM FOR THIS. Also, while you're here:
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facesofbradley (run by thisissirius and lonelyfajita), a comm about Bradley's Stupid Face. IT'S AS AWESOME AS IT SOUNDS, AND I LOVE IT TO A RIDICULOUS DEGREE.
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- Mood:
ditzy - Music:deciphering me - brooke fraser
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chasethestars
chasethestars
Comments
When Bradley says his Mom never reacts to his roles but did this time, what he means is the interpretive dance finally paid off. "Phone call" my ass.
Bradley was ridiculously delighted when - instead of staring blankly and bending her head back down to munch on some oats - his mother whinnied and attempted to bite his nose. It was the equivalent of uproarious shouting in Bradley-world, so he kind-of, maybe, translated it as such when he talked about her in an interview.
Look, it wasn't that he was ashamed of his parents, it was just really awkward to explain that your parents are ponies. (People always looked at him weirdly afterward, though Bradley could never quite figure out why.)
AHAHAHAHA, PERFECT.
BRADLEY: HEY KATIE, WHAT'S IRELAND LIKE?
KATIE: ...NICE.
BRADLEY: *FAILS AT SUBTLETY* ARE PEOPLE THERE OCCASIONALLY RAISED BY PONIES??
KATIE: PONIES?
BRADLEY: ER. NEVER MIND.
COLIN: SURE, WHATEVER. LISTEN, I REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS HOMEWORK.
KATIE: . . .
Because while Colin wasn't raised by ponies, he knows some people who were. It's the difference between the far reaches of Northern Ireland vs the rest of Ireland.
ANGEL: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
KATIE: I THINK COLIN WAS RAISED BY PONIES. OR MAYBE MY PREDICTIONS ABOUT BRADLEY HAVE FINALLY COME TRUE.
ANGEL: *TEXTS PPL FURIOUSLY*
JOE: HEY BRADLEY, IS IT TRUE THAT YOU WERE RAISED BY UNICORNS?
BRADLEY: WHAT?
COLIN: SO, UNICORNS.
BRADLEY: SHUT UP, COLIN.
COLIN: NO, IT'S COOL. I MEAN, PONIES, WHATEVER. BUT UNICORNS...
BRADLEY: REALLY???
COLIN: . . .
COLIN: NO. UNICORNS ARE IMAGINARY. ALSO, I STILL HAVE TO FINISH THIS HOMEWORK.
BRADLEY: D:
Bradley's mother absolutely hated the unicorn. When he'd brought it round so she could see what he got for Christmas this year, she attempted to rip its horn off (there was always the off chance that she'd mistaken it for some strange, new vegetable, but Bradley liked to think that her actions had meaning).
Fortunately, he was able to rescue the stuffed creature before anything too terrible happened to it. Unfortunately, he was going to have an impossibly hard (heh) time explaining to Katie why a sizable chunk of the mane was now missing.
Katie would be lucky to never meet Bradley's mother who would probably tear her a new one for any inappropriate unicorn comments. It was just lucky that they lived in a remote area and that Bradley's cellphone got such good reception.
Colin's fate as Bradley's One True Love is sealed when Bradley takes him to visit his mother (not that he tells Colin she's his mother, or anything - that can wait until their eventual first anniversary) and she nibbles at his left ear affectionately.
"She likes you!" Bradley exclaims excitedly. He contemplates throwing his arms around Colin's neck and hugging him, but figures that might be a little too gay. Though it might lead to him losing his Shagging In A Meadow Of Flowers Virginity, which would be exciting.
Colin takes the whole pony-family thing very well, and Bradley's mom seems enamoured of Colin's soft Irish accent, the same one that had confounded and distracted Bradley so terribly at first.
Even Bradley's Dad seems to like Colin, tossing his mane a little and giving Colin a very serious look that nonetheless had a thread of approval running through it, even as he chewed sloppily on a mouth-full of grass.
You GUYS!
(I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO THESE THINGS.)
"Ponies, huh?" she says appraisingly, eying the photo of his parents.
"IT'S JUST PHOTOSHOP," Bradley protests (despite not really knowing what 'Photoshop' is - sounds intelligent, anyway), but Katie just gives him a Look and reaches out to adjust his chainmail.
Surprisingly, Bradley does not find his life story in the tabloids the next morning. He does, however, begin finding bags of carrots and apples in weird places (his sock drawer?).
He sends a lot of the carrots and apples home to his family because it's the nice thing to do and because there's a recession coming on, but some of them he keeps on hand.
Many of his costumes have quite a lot of spare room and it's actually incredibly convenient to have an apple or carrot on hand for a snack when he wants to avoid food services. Richard hangs out there sometimes when he doesn't have a scene, and lately he's taken to putting together flamboyent unicorn puzzles. Bradley's not sure if Richard heard the ridiculous story or if someone just got him the puzzles.
The snacks also prove useful when Bradley catches Colin sitting in full sun, doing what appears to be yet more homework. He tosses an apple so it lands perfectly in Colin's lap, and when he finally looks up, gestures him over into the shade.
"What is it with you and all this homework, anyway?" Bradley asks as Colin settles his pens and things and leans against Bradley in the shade.
"This isn't homework," Colin replies, "It's a letter to your Mum."
"This isn't homework," Colin replies, "It's a letter to your Mum."
DAJKFDA;FJD;KAF;LEA I DIED.
For about thirty seconds, Bradley is delighted beyond mere words. He has a rather intense desire to text everyone he's ever known with the message, "MY BOYFRIEND WRITES LETTERS TO MY MUM. I BET YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T WRITE LETTERS TO YOUR MUM" but then a stray thought manages to break through his happy bubble.
"I don't think ponies can read," Bradley says rather miserably.
Colin gives him a confused look. "...I know. But she seems to like my voice, so. Thought it might be nice to read something about you to her instead of having an extremely one-sided conversation about the joys of vegetables."
"Oh."
"Wait," Colin says, smirking, "Did you think I was going to give it to her to read?"
"Uh, no," Bradley lies (badly). "Of course not."
Colin's expression clearly says that he doesn't believe Bradley but maybe he finds it a little endearing anyway. He has very verbose expressions. "Right, whatever. I thought we could visit again next weekend or something."
It is perhaps unfortunate that Bradley's fingers begin to itch again, because all he can think of now is text messaging everyone he's ever known, "MY BOYFRIEND WRITES LETTERS TO MY MUM AND ALSO WANTS TO VISIT MY FAMILY AGAIN NEXT WEEKEND AND IT WAS HIS IDEA AND HE IS GOING TO READ TO HER IN THAT ACCENT THAT MAKES MY SPINE MELT. I BET YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T DO ANY OF THAT."
But it's probably over the character limit, or something.
Bradley: Mum? What are you doing here?
EVERYONE: SURPRISE!!!!!
BRADLEY: ....YOU THREW ME A UNICORN BIRTHDAY PARTY?
KATIE: AWESOME, HUH? *PUTS SPARKLY TIARA ON BRADLEY'S HEAD* ALSO, I THINK YOUR MUM'S OUTSIDE.
BRADLEY: JKLDA;LFAEJ;LFADF;LJF SHE WALKED HERE??? WHAT IF SHE'D GOTTEN RUN OVER BY A TRUCK???? HOW'D SHE EVEN KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME??
KATIE: ACTUALLY, I THINK COLIN BROUGHT HER.
COLIN: HEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
BRADLEY: [TACKLES EXUBERANTLY]
COLIN: OW!
ANGEL: I DON'T THINK HE HAS ENOUGH PADDING TO TAKE THAT KIND OF BLOW, BRADLEY. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET OFF HIM.
KATIE: I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT HE TAKES ALL SORTS OF BLOWS FROM BRADLEY ALL THE TIME. IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.
ANGEL: D:
ANTHONY HEAD: I CATCH IT.