Fandom: Merlin RPF
Character/Pairing: Colin/Bradley, appearances by Angel, Katie, and Joe Dempsie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~800
Summary: In which the Paperclip Incident makes stuff happen. Four separate conversations taking place during another one of those Important Meetings. Prequel-type thing to Passing Notes.
Notes: OK, so.
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doompaw and I wrote this weird comment fic about Katie bullying Bradley, I discussed the repercussions of such an event with thisissirius, and then I ran into this conversation I once had about Bradley being weird with sophieisgod and this baby was born. YOU CAN BLAME THEM FOR THIS. Also, while you're here:
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facesofbradley (run by thisissirius and lonelyfajita), a comm about Bradley's Stupid Face. IT'S AS AWESOME AS IT SOUNDS, AND I LOVE IT TO A RIDICULOUS DEGREE.
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- Music:deciphering me - brooke fraser
- Mood:
ditzy
Page Summary
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chasethestars
chasethestars
Comments
Also, Joe Demspie! YES.
Bradley doesn't quite recall how he ended up being raised by ponies. It was all quite strange. Though he remembers something about apples, an inexplicable fire, and a map of Ireland. The ponies were totally cooler than regular parents, though. They let him eat whatever, and prance around in meadows of flowers, and all was good.
There were the obvious communication blocks, of course, but Bradley had learned to convey things using a special form of interpretive dance (the ponies mostly blinked and flicked their tails a lot when he did this, but Bradley was convinced there was secret understanding in their eyes).
IT IS EASIER TO WRITE "BRADLEY IS RAISED BY PONIES" FIC THAN YOU MIGHT THINK.
Thanks for reading, darling. ♥
OH GOD, OH GOD, INTERPRETIVE DANCE!!!!
You know, it is strangely plausible that Bradley was raised by ponies. I believe it.
When Bradley says his Mom never reacts to his roles but did this time, what he means is the interpretive dance finally paid off. "Phone call" my ass.
Bradley was ridiculously delighted when - instead of staring blankly and bending her head back down to munch on some oats - his mother whinnied and attempted to bite his nose. It was the equivalent of uproarious shouting in Bradley-world, so he kind-of, maybe, translated it as such when he talked about her in an interview.
Look, it wasn't that he was ashamed of his parents, it was just really awkward to explain that your parents are ponies. (People always looked at him weirdly afterward, though Bradley could never quite figure out why.)
AHAHAHAHA, PERFECT.
BRADLEY: HEY KATIE, WHAT'S IRELAND LIKE?
KATIE: ...NICE.
BRADLEY: *FAILS AT SUBTLETY* ARE PEOPLE THERE OCCASIONALLY RAISED BY PONIES??
KATIE: PONIES?
BRADLEY: ER. NEVER MIND.
COLIN: SURE, WHATEVER. LISTEN, I REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS HOMEWORK.
KATIE: . . .
Because while Colin wasn't raised by ponies, he knows some people who were. It's the difference between the far reaches of Northern Ireland vs the rest of Ireland.
ANGEL: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
KATIE: I THINK COLIN WAS RAISED BY PONIES. OR MAYBE MY PREDICTIONS ABOUT BRADLEY HAVE FINALLY COME TRUE.
ANGEL: *TEXTS PPL FURIOUSLY*
JOE: HEY BRADLEY, IS IT TRUE THAT YOU WERE RAISED BY UNICORNS?
BRADLEY: WHAT?
COLIN: SO, UNICORNS.
BRADLEY: SHUT UP, COLIN.
COLIN: NO, IT'S COOL. I MEAN, PONIES, WHATEVER. BUT UNICORNS...
BRADLEY: REALLY???
COLIN: . . .
COLIN: NO. UNICORNS ARE IMAGINARY. ALSO, I STILL HAVE TO FINISH THIS HOMEWORK.
BRADLEY: D:
Bradley's mother absolutely hated the unicorn. When he'd brought it round so she could see what he got for Christmas this year, she attempted to rip its horn off (there was always the off chance that she'd mistaken it for some strange, new vegetable, but Bradley liked to think that her actions had meaning).
Fortunately, he was able to rescue the stuffed creature before anything too terrible happened to it. Unfortunately, he was going to have an impossibly hard (heh) time explaining to Katie why a sizable chunk of the mane was now missing.
Katie would be lucky to never meet Bradley's mother who would probably tear her a new one for any inappropriate unicorn comments. It was just lucky that they lived in a remote area and that Bradley's cellphone got such good reception.
Colin's fate as Bradley's One True Love is sealed when Bradley takes him to visit his mother (not that he tells Colin she's his mother, or anything - that can wait until their eventual first anniversary) and she nibbles at his left ear affectionately.
"She likes you!" Bradley exclaims excitedly. He contemplates throwing his arms around Colin's neck and hugging him, but figures that might be a little too gay. Though it might lead to him losing his Shagging In A Meadow Of Flowers Virginity, which would be exciting.
Colin takes the whole pony-family thing very well, and Bradley's mom seems enamoured of Colin's soft Irish accent, the same one that had confounded and distracted Bradley so terribly at first.
Even Bradley's Dad seems to like Colin, tossing his mane a little and giving Colin a very serious look that nonetheless had a thread of approval running through it, even as he chewed sloppily on a mouth-full of grass.
You GUYS!
YOU ARE MADE OF LULZ!
For some reason I can only imagine Bradley as an adult deciding that he wanted to be raised by ponies. Colin tries to tell him that ponies don't raise people and that, even if they did Bradley's already been raised by actual people and he is An Adult. Bradley does not listen to Colin as it has been his
12 minutelife long dream to be raised by ponies. He frolicks into the nearest flowery field, strips off his clothes and beings an interpretive dance whislt Colin shakes his head and returns to the shade as not to get a tan.